Blaming is the art of making other things and people responsible for all the wrong things that are happening to us. Humans are always tempted to assign the responsibility of anything wrong happening with them on some other individual or thing. Psychologists call it Self-serving bias. We are eager to take the responsibility to take credit for good things and dodge the responsibility for bad things. It helps in protecting our fragile ego as its status-seeking. We always want to be seen as superior by putting down others. Blaming makes individuals feel right. Not only this but also, some people use it to demonstrate themselves as a ‘victim’ so that they can avoid difficult conversations and confrontations so that they easily throw a pity party. Moreover, who’d bother to do a self-analysis when we can easily shift the responsibility of complex situations and place it on someone else’s shoulder. Whether an individual uses blame to become a victim or feel superior it stems from a lack of self-esteem.
Blame stops an individual from looking at his contribution to the issues. Thus, here comes the role of self-responsibility. As long one thinks people, things, and situations are the problems he will waste time judging and evaluating them which won’t do any good to them.
Blaming is not just limited to criticizing other people but it can also be about having incessant negative self-talk about oneself. Sometimes our inner voice keeps putting us do by drawing a comparison with other people or making unrealistic expectations. By comparison, ourselves with other people would simply mean the loss of our self. Instead of constantly pressurizing ourselves we can cherish the gifts we are endowed with. We have to accept making mistakes as humanely act, take responsibility, and learn from it and not punish ourselves for a lifetime by constantly reminding ourselves of our follies and shortcomings.
Blaming helps in feeling safe in a lot of situations. Taking responsibility increases one’s accountability and then if anything goes wrong one might have to be answerable which might make the individual vulnerable.
Though blaming is comforting, it can block the growth in our lives immensely. Blaming is a form of defense and when we shield or escape responsibility by accusing others, it creates mistrust in our relationships. We lose our power as we often identify ourselves as victims. Our personal and professional relationships also suffer adversely. Blame sidesteps healthy relationships and puts down people consciously or unconsciously and people start to feel devalued around us.
Therefore, it is essential to shift from the ‘blame ‘stance to ‘understanding’ stance which can give the individual emotional and mental space to delve into one’s psyche and be powerful.